The Skinny On

No. 44 - The Devil Is In The Details

Sometimes very small things persuade (or dissuade) potential customers or investors from choosing your side. Sometimes the devil is in the details.

Although most of us believe we make decisions logically or analytically, the fact is we're all influenced by our emotions and our subconscious. The same, of course, holds true for your prospects.

Your must do everything you can to connect with the prospect, to reach him/her at some visceral level.

Here are some small things that might make all the difference:

1. Appearance – If you're meeting with someone important, think about what you should wear. You should try to make the other person comfortable. Call ahead and speak with their secretary or co-workers. What is her personal dress code? Adopt it.

2. Mirroring – Similar to appearance, people are comfortable with familiarity. Studies have shown that people are influenced by those who speak at the same pace and with a similar vocabulary. On some subliminal level, almost everyone feels more comfortable doing business with people like them.

3. Avoid controversial topics – Nothing kills a budding relationship faster than a conversation about politics. No one sees the same facts the same way. If the other person says something disagreeable, just smile and nod. Stay away from any topic that could create even the smallest rift.

4. Look for commonalities – You can always find something to share with another person. Listen to what the other says, what they care about. Is he/she a dog lover? A Red Sox fan? Someone who enjoys a good movie? Use all your mental antennae to find something to connect and bond with them!

5. Send a thank you note – After a meeting, send a personalized thank you note. The simple act of following up correctly will separate you from the crowd. Some people think e-mail is fine; others feel it should be handwritten and mailed.

If you can connect - make others more comfortable with you - then your chances of making a sale, getting a loan, or inducing an investment go up significantly.

No. 45 - It's Okay To Brag (A Little)

Far too many people feel awkward about self-promotion.

Self-promotion is anything that gets the word out about who you are and what you do.

Although self-promotion can sometimes be off-putting, there is a right way to go about it.

1. Consider a self-deprecating approach. As if you are also bemused by your achievements.

"I can't believe it myself but..."

"I'm sure the awards committee will discover their mistake any minute, but in the meantime..."

2. During a conversation, obliquely slip in some self-congratulatory information, almost as an after-thought.

3. Press releases are good, but get involved in the writing. If you hire a publicist, watch over them. They tend to go a little overboard at times and may present you in an uncomfortable way.

4. Use social networking tools. They're a great way to get the word out.

5. Build your following by promoting your expertise – blogging, e-letters, speaking. Anything that positions you as an expert. And then promote your activities. If you are going to speak at a seminar or convention, make sure to inform your network.

6. Befriend as many journalists as you can. Respect the fact that they can't be your publicist. Don't try to shove promotional stuff down their throat. On the other hand, if they trust you as an expert and reliable source for a good quote, you will be in demand.

7. Make self-promotion (like other efforts such as networking) part of your business week. Figure that you should spend 1–3 hours every week in this endeavor. Sometimes there won't be results, but if you are patient and consistent and regular with your efforts, you greatly increase the chances of good things happening.

No. 48 - Referrals and Introductions

Networking is one of the most important skills a person can develop. And it takes hard work.

Networking involves breaking down barriers between you and others by meeting them in comfortable situations.

Another way to 'meet' someone is to ask a friend or acquaintance to make a referral or introduction.

If you are in sales, for example, it is usually important to constantly meet new prospects for your product. If you have positive relationships with your customers, it is good business (and not unexpected) for you to ask them for referrals.

In other words, ask them to contact someone they know and introduce you. And if possible, say a few nice things, too.

How much you can ask of someone is dependant on the strength of your relationship (read: social capital).

Some people won't directly call on your behalf, but are fine with you saying, "I'm calling you at the suggestion of Jane Doe."

Others are happy to reach out and suggest he/she meet with you. Needless to say, this can be very valuable to you.

Many people hesitate to ask others for referrals and introductions. That's a mistake! So long as you ask graciously, you won't offend anyone.

"Bill, if my request is a little uncomfortable for you, I totally understand. But, I am trying to meet __________ and I know you know her. It would be a lot easier for me if you would be willing to call and introduce me."

In this example, you left Bill with an easy refusal, so if the introduction feels awkward, he will say so. On other hand, if he is OK with the introduction, you are well ahead of the game.

"To create a steady flow of referrals, you must develop a referral mindset.... You must constantly say to yourself, 'I sell a quality product or service. I deliver incredible service. People like me and trust me. I deserve to get referrals. I serve people so well that they want to refer people to me.'" - Bill Cates, Referrals Now!

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You may also enjoy the networking lessons 'No. 100 - Find Connectors' and 'No. 50 - Name Dropping (Not As Taboo As You May Think).'

Click here to learn more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 50 - Name Dropping (Not As Taboo As You May Think!)

Oddly enough, name dropping can work.

Studies have shown over and over that most of us are unconsciously swayed by authority figures and celebrities. If done correctly, you can persuade or impress with tactful name dropping.

One interesting study involves college students in Australia.

Researchers took one man, who was about 5-foot-10, into five different classrooms. In one class, he was introduced as an observer. In a second class, as an administrator. In a third class, as a research assistant. In a fourth class, as a new professor. And in the fifth class, as a famous professor from another university.

In other words, same guy – five different descriptions.

The next day, researchers asked the students to guess how tall the man was. In the first three classrooms, the average was pretty close to the man's actual height. But the students who believed him to be a new professor thought he was six feet tall. And the students who were told he was famous estimated his height at 6-foot-2.

This study showed how someone can 'grow' in people's eyes when he is notable or famous.

If you have an association with a notable individual and selectively drop that information into your "pitch," you might be pleasantly surprised by how the other person reacts. If the person you're trying to impress is like most of us, he/she will think you "taller" because of your relationship with the well-known individual.

Be careful to not go too far, however. At some point, people see this tactic as transparent. You don't want to develop a reputation as a "name dropper."

The objective is a discriminate and subtle reference to a relationship that adds glow to you and what you do.

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Read more about networking, or check out the work-in-progress book 'Street Smarts 101: Lessons Textbooks Miss.'

You can also find out more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 52 - Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

One morning you get a call. A business acquaintance wants to meet. You agree.

You know the meeting is most likely not purely social. You just don’t know what the other person wants.

Chances are this person has a product or service or idea he/she wants to sell. Your job is to stay as noncommittal as possible until you figure out what the other person is looking for (what he or she really wants).

If you want to maintain your relationship, you don’t want to be cornered into a position where you have turn down the proposal. Rather, you want to leave yourself diplomatic "outs" – gracious but plausible excuses why you can’t say, "yes."

If this person is clever, he/she may attempt to win some concessions from you before revealing the exact motive. You need to block and parry – respond in as vague a manner as possible.

Keep stalling until you have “cracked the code,” (i.e. figured out what the other person wants.) Once aware of his/her desires, you can craft an appropriate response without having made a prior commitment.

This is a little like a boxing match. You know the other person is going to swing at you – you just don’t know when. In the meantime, you need to keep your guard up.

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Read more about networking, or check out the work-in-progress book ''

You can also find out more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 76 - You Can Never Have Too Much Social Capital

Social capital is the strength of your relationship with another person.

The more social capital you have with someone, the more you can ask of him or her.

With your closest friends and family, you have virtually unlimited social capital. You can ask these people for just about anything.

With everyone else, you have a shorter supply of social capital.

There are five things to consider about social capital:

1. The more you have the better.

2. Try to improve relationships with people most likely able to help you achieve your goals. As your relationships deepen, so does your social capital reservoir.

3. Do not overdraft on your social capital. For example, don't ask someone to do something for you that is 'too much, too soon.'

4. Don't keep a running tally of what you do for whom. The game is not 'tit for tat.' Just continue to build social capital as best you can because you never know for sure when and how it will come back to you.

5. Ultimately, you can't be afraid to ask. Social capital is not an exact measurement. You will never know for sure until you ask another person for help.

"The ability to achieve our goals, fulfill our missions, and make our contributions to the world depends as much on our social capital (the resources available in and through personal and business networks) as it does on our human capital (knowledge, experties, and experience)." - Wayne Baker, Achieving Success Through Social Capital

Read more about business networking, or check out the work-in-progress book 'Street Smarts 101: Lessons Textbooks Miss.'

Click here to learn more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 80 - A Firm Handshake And Solid Eye Contact

When you meet someone, make a good initial impression.

Most of us make quick assessments when we meet someone new. In just seconds, we size up the other person. And that first handshake - a simple visual and sensory impression - is often a factor in how we feel about someone.

Your handshake should not be a bone crusher. You're just trying to convey that you are real, serious and substantive. A wet-noodle handshake communicates the opposite - the other person will wonder what you are all about.

Similarly, solid eye contact doesn't mean an intense staring contest. It is a soft but riveted look into the other person's eyes. Show them that you're paying attention, that you appreciate meeting them, that you are someone they will want to remember.

People frequently make snap decisions. Recent studies even suggest that snap judgments are sometimes the best judgments. In his the best-selling book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell stated, "decisions made very quickly can be every bit as good as decisions made cautiously and deliberately."

So take advantage of the opportunity to make a good first impression with a firm handshake and solid eye contact.

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." - Anonymous

Read more about networking, or check out the work-in-progress book 'Street Smarts 101: Lessons Textbooks Miss.'

Click here to learn more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 89 - Keep A People Diary

One of the best pieces of advice my father gave me when I graduated college (which I did not follow unfortunately) was to keep a diary or log of everyone I meet.

He suggested index cards - this was well before the computer, mind you - with each person's name and contact information, what he/she did for a living, how we met, and other commonalities (e.g. avid jogger or movie junkie).

He said that I should review my index cards every six months and update each person's information. The goal was to keep in touch with as many people as possible, since you never know who will be in a position to help you one day.

He was totally right.

Keeping track of people is much easier than it was 30 years ago. But you still need to create a system, update it, and use it.

The specifics of your system (Facebook and LinkedIn can work) are not as critical as understanding these general points:

1. Your ability to succeed in your chose endeavor will often depend on your relationships with other people.
2. Every person you've ever met has the potential to help you at some point in your life.
3. Once you meet someone, or at least share a mutual friend or acquaintance with someone, it's a whole lot easier when you need that person's assistance.
4. You need a system for finding people who can help you. To make the most effective use of this system, you need to treat it as a business tool: update it, refer to it, and build on it.

Read more on business networking, or check out the work-in-progress book 'Street Smarts 101: Lessons Textbooks Miss.'

To learn more about networking, check out the widely acclaimed book The Skinny On Networking.

No. 100 - Find Connectors

The U.S. education system teaches technical knowledge (algebra, biology) and liberal arts (literature, history) but misses another huge category altogether.

Real World Skills: Practical, usable, street-smart stuff that is as critical to success as technical and liberal arts educations.

So after consulting with my Advisory Board (men and women who have succeeded in all walks of life), I assembled the 101 real world skills you won't learn in any textbook.

My list is in no particular order. It covers topics such as financial literacy, time management, negotiation and persuasion, creativity, self-regulation, and networking.

No. 100 - Find Connectors

Connectors are super-evolved networkers. These are people who have a wide range of contacts. Many are adept users of social media. Since most of us don't have the time (or talent) to become Olympic networkers, the goal is to find those who are and establish relationships. Under the right circumstances, you can leverage their network.

Just last week, I needed to find someone at a major U.S. newspaper. I did not know one person at the paper. But I reached out to acquaintance who I knew to be super networked (a connector). He went on LinkedIn and found two people who had worked with people at the paper. He introduced me to those two people. Within one week, I had a dialogue with a reporter at the paper.

This video about Paul Revere drives my point home. Enjoy!

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Read more on how to network, or check out the work-in-progress book 'Street Smarts 101: Lessons Textbooks Miss.'

Click here to learn more about the book The Skinny On Networking.

Skinny Links Roundup: August 20

SUCCESS + WILLPOWER

4 Simple Ways To Focus On The Positive: Encourage and motivate yourself by concentrating on the good.

PERSONAL FINANCE

5 Ploys That Get You To Overspend: The Daily Worth team sounds the same alarm we've been ringing. If you've got money, companies will try to take it by any means necessary.

Money Matters, But Money Isn't Everything: Right?

CREATIVITY

The No. 1 Habit of Highly Creative People: Leo Babauta comes to the same conclusion we did, solitude.

An Open Letter To All Of Advertising And Marketing: Not sure if this is real or if it matters, but this is certainly a creative way to lampoon Madison Avenue.

NETWORKING

Four Simple Prep Steps To Make Every Meeting A Win-Win: Such a simple and elegant approach, which is exactly why Keith Ferrazzi is so good.